Who is to blame?

In recovery we learn that there is no such thing as blame. We all have parts in things and responsibilities and that's it. No blame, no shame. Just your part in something that happened. The only way we can be set free from resentment, which is the poison to our spiritual life, is taking our part in things. We always have a 50%  share in something and the art is to take our 50% out of the battlefield and the whole battlefield will disappear. It sounds easy but why is it then that this is the hardest part for humans, especially addicts, to do this? Because it's a threat to the ego.. let's dive in to it.

There is no such thing as not taking your share, or not taking your part in things. Your share is always there. It’s the whole reason you feel so bad about yourself. There is no such thing as not seeing your part. You can’t run away from it, you can only distract yourself from it. Either by blaming the other person and if that no longer works you will find your distraction in addiction or other things - As long as you don’t have to look at your own part. 

But wow is this the biggest illusion there is or not? While you are “not seeing” your part in things, that part is running your life. It’s the engine of the destructive behavior and the dark thoughts you are experiencing. Anger, worry and resentment are running your life, only because you are “not seeing” your part. You might not “see” it, but you experience , feel and are run by it.

We can’t run away from it and as long as the inner conflict isn’t solved by taking our part in things we are on the destructive path. The ego strengthens itself by this and will do anything to not let you look at yourself because the moment you start looking at yourself the ego starts to lose its power and eventually will die down. This is why it can feel like we are literally dying on the inside when we have to take our responsibility over something or say sorry. We all know that horrible feeling on the inside the moment we have to surrender the ego, haha.

No one in your life has anything to do with this. You can put a 100 different people in the same place and you will have the exact same outcome every time. And this is where psychology separates from spiritual teaching. Of course we are victims of trauma or bad childhoods and of course we should heal that pain and take ourselves damn seriously about this. Our inner child needs love and appreciation and the message that it has nothing to do with the pain it was caused when it was little. But in the here and now no one is creating this pain but ourselves. We create situation after situation in the same manner, with the same pain and the same outcome because of unresolved feelings on the inside. We project inner conflict on the outside and try to fix the outside so that we feel better on the inside. It will never work!

We will keep creating the same situations until we learn from it. Until we see, that what we see on the outside is only a projection of what we are experiencing on the inside. Make it a teaching tool, be guided by it. let it be the universe’s message to you. No fear will ever run your life anymore because this way, you mastered your inner world and there is no need to control the outer world anymore.

🤍