Healing Self Doubt - Recovery Talk

My whole life I was made to believe there was something wrong with me. That I was crazy. And most of all, that I can not trust myself. At first it was by my mother, she wasn’t capable of raising me and it hurt me in many ways. But eventually, it was me myself who took over this idea of me being crazy and not normal and I build my life around this convincing statement. I literally started acting like it because I was so convinced this was the truth. Unconsciously I was telling myself that my feelings weren’t right, that I can not trust myself, that other people know better and so on. That I should stop complaining and just be “normal”. Basically I told myself constantly that what I was doing, feeling or needing was not okay and that it should be different. I was incapable of trusting myself and because of that also of trusting others so I was always under the impression that there was something wrong or not right. I was always afraid.

By living this way I created all the problems and attracted all the people that I was most afraid of. Like the big book says, we are the makers of our own troubles.

In the program we learn in step 1 how the mechanism of this problem maker machine works. How pain drives us in to creating more destructive behaviors. 2 - We learn that the solution is that we should let go of our old ideas and trust God to help us and guide us trough life. 3- We let go of our own way, we surrender. And in stap 4 we look at the resentments we have because the resentment makes the pain stay stuck. I had to learn that my Mother wasn’t the one dominating my life anymore. It was me myself who took over the ideas about myself and it was me who wasn’t treating me the way I should be treated.

When I started loving myself, when i started believing in myself- when I healed self doubt.. i stopped needing something from the outside and started living from the inside out. All fighting ceased and peace came upon me. I feel incredibly powerful, happy and free. The most beautiful people joined me in my journey and they undoubtedly love me for who I am.  I am for ever grateful what the program did for me and there will not be a day that i won’t pay it forward 🤍